Out of the Blue

Our BTO in the works It dawned on me today that I've never really been able to let myself make mistakes. In an BTO exercise about two years ago, we chose a unit and we didn't even check the compass.  Today I walked past it, and saw that our block was climbing storeys but oh dear the setting sun was shining brightly into the windows!  It faces the west! Worry set in - what if we come home to a hot house every day?  And later if we want to sell, no one would buy it?  After some anxious googling of solutions and finding nothing, I was frustrated - with myself. As I switched on my twitter deck almost like a reflex after I turned off my safari, I read this. "Jesus doesn't condemn legitimate concern, but rather the continuous mindset that dismisses God's presence." (Max Lucado) My soul stirred.  I realised I've let me take over and really dismissed God.  I began to pray. I don't think that shifted any direction of the setting sun.  But I wa...

Sharing a devotion @AGM I must be one of those whom cannot stop working after I officially retire.  At four and a half months of pregnancy, my mind is really still all about work and ministry.  I can't let go yet I know, at least emotionally. It has been coming to 8 years on staff.  I've been burnt out before, discouraged and disappointed at some point in time.  But I've experienced the most wonderful things of my life during this period as well - finding good friends, getting married and having my own home, and learning about leadership. But changes are part of life and God has graciously moved me along to a new phase of life called motherhood.  I'd have to put down what I've held on dearly - the heated and passionate discussions with my staff friends about ministry, challenging of students to follow Jesus, the little adventures each day brings on campus.   In this very midst of changes, I know God is drawing me into a deeper road with Him - 'a pilg...

Before we catch Lion King @MBS I'm a lazy writer.  Can't believe my last post was in Jan!  So much has happened since then.  1. I've celebrated my big 30. 2. I'm pregnant.  3. Life will turn 180 degrees come next Feb Yes it's been a roller coaster ride since the two lines I saw at the end of May.  We saw a gynae in early May to have a body check up, cos I felt paranoid about my bad menstrual cramps that landed me in cold sweat, vomiting and diarrhoea sometimes.  The gynae pronounced me in good shape and predicted we should be able to conceive in six months time.  But no, it happened right away. Fast forward, it's been 4 months since.  Life definitely has changed for me.  I'm no where near efficient in anything - ministry or housework.  I get frustrated about it but at the same time it has forced me to appreciate the help of others more, to enjoy the grace of God more than before. Our relationship underwent chan...

Dear is finally back from his 10 day trip in US! When he came back yesterday and I shared stuff I went through while he was away, I thought- what an adventure! On the day he left (8th Sep), I went out to have dinner with my brother and spent like the whole night waiting with him at Singtel Hello shop (so that I can transfer ownership of Mobile Broadband to him) only to find that actually my contract was ending and he could just apply for his own, anyway. Duh On Thu, I received an sms from one of my ex disciples asking if I was free for dinner. I didn't usually hear from her so I was glad we could hang out. We had a great time at a Jap steamboat restaurant at marina Sq. Yummy soup. What was really interesting was on my way there on bus 10, a Korean business man whom was sitting beside me started to talk to me. I was reading a book "God-Discover His Character" by Dr Bill Bright. He was curious about the book. And it turned out he was a Christian too! He knew abo...

"Can I get you to a cup of something while you stone?" "Tea, thanks.." It was after staff meeting. I felt so down. After lunch with Qingwen, I just didn't want to move. We were at the cafeteria on the 7th floor. I felt better with the warm glass in my hands. But it was being able to pour out all the feelings in my heart - the fear, disappointment, discouragement, anger- to Qingwen that really helped to still the little storm in me. Learning that it's ok to feel upset. And that some time to rest and talk is good. Later that night, as I read the bible, I felt like God nudging me. "Why are you troubled and why do doubts arise in your hearts? See my hands and feet, that it is I myself. Touch me and see." Luke 24:38 A sense of peace came over me. It felt like tea warming my heart.

10 new things I'm thankful in my life: 1. My W595 Sony Phone, gotten last month. 2. Qingwen, Dear.. for his love and encouragement. We're married for 5 weeks! 3. My room, my solace and place of refuge. I love the new brown kitchen table we've got. And the attached toilet we can use so freely. 4. My Mum-in-law, whom cooks really really good food. Her sacrificial love. 5. My Dad, esp now that he treats me as an adult. 6. My new hairdo. I permed it recently. 7. Change in ministry. Now in NUS Arts..serving with new tea, Desmond and Lindy. 8. New church friends, who teach me how to read and recognize Chinese characters in the bible. 9. A chance to choose a BTO flat. 10. A relatively light MSI Netbook!

September 14, 2008, 22:18 I'm a green-eyed monster. The disease I have is called jealousy. How it all happened I don't really know. The earliest memory is Mum comparing me to a friend's daughter and saying I'm better. Subsequently, they were never ending self-made comparisons that always left me feeling worse and lousy. I'm not pretty enough, as capable, not good enough. Something inside me gnaws at this carnal, irritable syndrome. It's saying, No! You are good enough, You are His precious child. You don't have to compare yourself with others. But I don't. I can't believe it. Stop it you green eyed creature! What good will it do you to compare and sink into your self piteous pit. I'm scared, I'm afraid that I can never be the person I hope to be.