Out of the Blue

When I walked down the aisle, I was a very scared bride. I was very happy but also very scared. It would be the biggest decision of my life next to receiving Jesus and I have no idea what life would be like after that. Getting married has posed the toughest discipleship challenge in my life, more than living in a single parent family or joining staff. It is not so much about my other half as it is with myself. When I said 'yes', I typically thought of the white lovely gown and life with the one I love. But as the wedding date drew nearer, I remember myself not caring about the beauty of the special day and not even looking forward to our life together. In one of my most emotional times before the big day, I told God it felt like I was in Gethsamane. Where dreams, unborn, were buried. It wasn't cos my Dad didn't want to walk me down the aisle (he did finally thank God), nor because my Mum wasn't there. It wasn't cos we didn't have money to go to somew...

We spent the morning after fishball mee @kopitiam at a small park nearby, sitting on a bench with the playground before us. There were noises-birds cooing, kids playing and cars whizzing. It was still serene. I looked at him and he did his bad-man eyebrow twitch. "What?" "Flirting with you. Okok I'm irritating you." "Thanks ar" Half the time, after every few sentences, I have to go back and explain which "Jason" I was talking about, or rephrase a sentence. And I got super irritated. "I'm in a box ma" "Which one?" A friend recently told me we are an interesting couple. "You are blur and he's straight." Well, yep that's us, interestingly, for better or for worse.

Over a conversation with a good friend and mentor, we came to a question of I was too harsh on myself. At first thought, I didn't think so. What then made her think so? Is is cos I worry alot? Critical of myself and others? Easily discouraged or disappointed? How then can I balance between truth and grace? Strict Training vs Trying? Pondering

The highlight of my day was to meet up with a gal, an ex-student whom I discipled indirectly in the past. She's working now, and I was going to pass her some shoes and blouses that were new but I couldn't wear. It was great to see her again after a period of time, in a new phase of life. We shared about how we were, the challenges that we had in the past and how they are now. There seemed a sense of continuity. Like discipleship did not end when she graduated. She has become more steady in her faith than when I met her, and even when she just graduated earlier this year. While she told me about how she chided a dear friend about relationship problems, I can't help but notice that she would never do that in the past. It was a short chat. Before we parted, I told her to read Rom 12:1-2 and pray about serving in an area in church. She took the stuff from me and left. I felt encouraged, maybe because someone God brought to my path to disciple a few years ago is still...

Dear is finally back from his 10 day trip in US! When he came back yesterday and I shared stuff I went through while he was away, I thought- what an adventure! On the day he left (8th Sep), I went out to have dinner with my brother and spent like the whole night waiting with him at Singtel Hello shop (so that I can transfer ownership of Mobile Broadband to him) only to find that actually my contract was ending and he could just apply for his own, anyway. Duh On Thu, I received an sms from one of my ex disciples asking if I was free for dinner. I didn't usually hear from her so I was glad we could hang out. We had a great time at a Jap steamboat restaurant at marina Sq. Yummy soup. What was really interesting was on my way there on bus 10, a Korean business man whom was sitting beside me started to talk to me. I was reading a book "God-Discover His Character" by Dr Bill Bright. He was curious about the book. And it turned out he was a Christian too! He knew abo...

"Can I get you to a cup of something while you stone?" "Tea, thanks.." It was after staff meeting. I felt so down. After lunch with Qingwen, I just didn't want to move. We were at the cafeteria on the 7th floor. I felt better with the warm glass in my hands. But it was being able to pour out all the feelings in my heart - the fear, disappointment, discouragement, anger- to Qingwen that really helped to still the little storm in me. Learning that it's ok to feel upset. And that some time to rest and talk is good. Later that night, as I read the bible, I felt like God nudging me. "Why are you troubled and why do doubts arise in your hearts? See my hands and feet, that it is I myself. Touch me and see." Luke 24:38 A sense of peace came over me. It felt like tea warming my heart.

10 new things I'm thankful in my life: 1. My W595 Sony Phone, gotten last month. 2. Qingwen, Dear.. for his love and encouragement. We're married for 5 weeks! 3. My room, my solace and place of refuge. I love the new brown kitchen table we've got. And the attached toilet we can use so freely. 4. My Mum-in-law, whom cooks really really good food. Her sacrificial love. 5. My Dad, esp now that he treats me as an adult. 6. My new hairdo. I permed it recently. 7. Change in ministry. Now in NUS Arts..serving with new tea, Desmond and Lindy. 8. New church friends, who teach me how to read and recognize Chinese characters in the bible. 9. A chance to choose a BTO flat. 10. A relatively light MSI Netbook!