these inward trials
I asked the Lord that I might grow In faith, and love, and every grace; Might more of His salvation know, And seek more earnestly His face. I hoped that in some favoured hour At once He'd answer my request, And by His love's constraining power Subdue my sins, and give me rest. Instead of this, He made me feel The hidden evils of my heart; And let the angry powers of hell Assault my soul in every part. Yea more, with His own hand He seemed Intent to aggravate my woe; Crossed all the fair designs I schemed, Blasted my gourds, and laid me low. 'Lord, why this?' I trembled cried, 'Will thou pursue Thy worm to death?' 'I answer prayer for grace and faith. These inward trials I employ From self and pride to set thee free; And break thy schemes of earthly joy, That thou may'st seek thy all in me. -John Newton I read this in 'Knowing God' by J.I Packer after talking with a friend who's going through a rough patch. The hymn really hit the nail on the