New year, not-so new thoughts

I felt like I've just survived 10 days of the new year.  Not in an unhappy way, but with a really grateful heart.

We began the first day of 2010 at the crematorium, where Qingwen's uncle was laid to rest.  I did not know him much except that I served him tea at the wedding.  While not very emotional, I was reminded of life's brevity and the need to focus.  After all, we can't be sure how much time we've left in this life.

Some days later, I was talking with a good friend on the taxi.  She's pregnant, and we were all excited over her and coming newborn. Of course, she was encouraging me to start a family soon too.  Being a pessimist all my life, I said it is tough to hope.  What if God didn't intend it the way we hope?  Say for childless couples or  couples who've experienced the birth and subsequently death of their children? It might be better not to hope or think about it lest I be disappointed.

"Then I think we really need to look not at the gift,but the giver-trusting in God's goodness and His best for us, even if it isn't what we hoped for." Spontaneous wisdom.  I could always count on my dear friend for that.

I felt God tugging at the threads of my perspective about Him.  Will I be willing to trust in His goodness and trust that what's going on now is His best for me?  Not only about starting a family, but everything, everyday.  Ministry, family, friends, problems, disappointments..

In this new year, I want to renew my trust in God-that He loves me.  He is good.  He gives His best for me. 

More than a home (2)

In the meantime, we are staying at a rented place in Seng Kang, kindly at a very affordable rate by the landlord, and previously occupied by our colleagues n good friends.

God has really given us more than a home, literally.  We've been settling in this place for a few weeks.  I was amazed how we could see the sunrise every morning- it's a free 'visual' alarm by the way- as light pours into the room.

One thing that resulted from childhood was an interest to cook.  Not that I'm really good at it, cos I've tasted better dishes.  But it's happy memories whenever I try to put together a meal. Here are some try-outs.  Somehow IKEA plates and bowls make them look nicer I believe.  It really helps when Shop n Save is just downstairs!  (NTUC is still my fav tho;)

That's chicken spaghetti.  I haven't actually found a sauce I really like, it's been all bit too sour.  But celery prawn salad balanced it up I hope.  

Yong Tau Foo Soup, Spinach and Kong Bau Chicken.  Left overs became Long Tong the next day ha..

Home is a living room, kitchen, bedroom (plus a study room we seldom use).  Home Time now is about cooking meals, TV, laundry, admiring the sun rise in the morning, walking over to Buangkok for grocery shopping.

Both of us think we might miss this place after 2 years..

More than a home (1)

Our BTO flat is in the works.  There's nothing except for cranes and the plot is all barricaded.  It somehow feels strange to me that I'm seeing my home eventually in 2012, from nothing literally.

 

the Chin talk

We spent the morning after fishball mee @kopitiam at a small park nearby, sitting on a bench with the playground before us. There were noises-birds cooing, kids playing and cars whizzing. It was still serene.

I looked at him and he did his bad-man eyebrow twitch.

"What?"

"Flirting with you. Okok I'm irritating you."

"Thanks ar"

Half the time, after every few sentences, I have to go back and explain which "Jason" I was talking about, or rephrase a sentence. And I got super irritated.

"I'm in a box ma"

"Which one?"

A friend recently told me we are an interesting couple. "You are blur and he's straight."

Well, yep that's us, interestingly, for better or for worse.

Too harsh with myself?

Over a conversation with a good friend and mentor, we came to a question of I was too harsh on myself.

At first thought, I didn't think so. What then made her think so?
Is is cos I worry alot?
Critical of myself and others?
Easily discouraged or disappointed?

How then can I balance between truth and grace? Strict Training vs Trying?

Pondering