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these inward trials

I asked the Lord that I might grow In faith, and love, and every grace; Might more of His salvation know, And seek more earnestly His face. I hoped that in some favoured hour At once He'd answer my request, And by His love's constraining power Subdue my sins, and give me rest. Instead of this, He made me feel The hidden evils of my heart; And let the angry powers of hell Assault my soul in every part. Yea more, with His own hand He seemed Intent to aggravate my woe; Crossed all the fair designs I schemed, Blasted my gourds, and laid me low. 'Lord, why this?' I trembled cried, 'Will thou pursue Thy worm to death?' 'I answer prayer for grace and faith. These inward trials I employ From self and pride to set thee free; And break thy schemes of earthly joy, That thou may'st seek thy all in me. -John Newton I read this in 'Knowing God' by J.I Packer after talking with a friend who's going through a rough patch. The hymn really hit the nail on the...
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it's my ah ma's b'day!

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Last Saturday, we celebrated my grandma's birthday with a nice buffet spread. My grandma is 80+ plus years.. she is a dearie to me. She took care of me since I was young. She called me "Baby!!" till I started Primary School(I had to remind her that I was no longer one haa ;p) My grandma taught me how to cook, sweep the floor and do marketing. She insists that girls must know all these things. (And you can guess she does not insist boys do the same arrghh) Two weeks ago, one of my friends burned a CD containing Hokkien Christian songs and asked me to pass to her. I procrastinated for a couple of weeks, as I expected rejection. Perhaps it is not very appropriate I thought. But I decided to try anywayz, by faith. Finally, last Saturday I brought the CD and my CD player,taught her how to on and off the CD player and there she was- listening to the songs! She was even singing along my goodness...praise the Lord! She even asked my brother later how to repeat a certain t...
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Letter to my unborn daughter

Dear Kayla, (a name both Daddy and Mummy wish you will like) It thrills Mummy and Daddy that you've been growing and kicking inside, especially more recently.  We are grateful that you are healthy and active. Sometimes, I try to imagine seeing you come out from me, all red and cute - I know that marks a special beginning - of life with Kayla. You know that Daddy really loves you?  I know from his daily singing to you (you must have heard), his tapping on my tummy so that you'd respond.  His anxious looks when I come back home late or look really tired.  And I'm so glad he's your Daddy. I fear myself becoming a bad Mummy to you at times.  Cos I may misunderstand you, the crying you might make, the naughty things you could do.  But I also want to be the best Mummy I can be for you. As my tummy keeps growing bigger and bigger, I know the day draws nearer and nearer.  I'd muster my greatest courage and smile to see you through into this world, so...
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