Out of the Blue

September 14, 2008, 22:18 I'm a green-eyed monster. The disease I have is called jealousy. How it all happened I don't really know. The earliest memory is Mum comparing me to a friend's daughter and saying I'm better. Subsequently, they were never ending self-made comparisons that always left me feeling worse and lousy. I'm not pretty enough, as capable, not good enough. Something inside me gnaws at this carnal, irritable syndrome. It's saying, No! You are good enough, You are His precious child. You don't have to compare yourself with others. But I don't. I can't believe it. Stop it you green eyed creature! What good will it do you to compare and sink into your self piteous pit. I'm scared, I'm afraid that I can never be the person I hope to be.

Day 2 of 2009. I could only see her from outside the glass door. She looked unexpectedly awake and her eyes grew bigger when her father waved and smiled at her. I waved too and said hi. Suddenly, she leaned forward a little from her pillow and liquid started flowing out of her mouth. The nurse whom was just outside quickly rushed in and soon after came out and in again with lots of tissue. "It's the glucose she drank," the nurse explained as she went in. I can't explain exactly how I exactly feel to know that the little girl inside is just a three year old whom underwent a liver transplant a few days ago. She really looked cool and calm, with the tubes attached to her and only able to move her thin hands. Her body looked weak but her eyes were intent as she looked at her father. We prayed and while her tired eyes closed for a nap, we left. You can make it girl.. Praying you will.