green eyed monster

September 14, 2008, 22:18
I'm a green-eyed monster. The disease I have is called jealousy. How it all happened I don't really know. The earliest memory is Mum comparing me to a friend's daughter and saying I'm better. Subsequently, they were never ending self-made comparisons that always left me feeling worse and lousy. I'm not pretty enough, as capable, not good enough.

Something inside me gnaws at this carnal, irritable syndrome. It's saying, No! You are good enough, You are His precious child. You don't have to compare yourself with others.

But I don't. I can't believe it. Stop it you green eyed creature! What good will it do you to compare and sink into your self piteous pit. I'm scared, I'm afraid that I can never be the person I hope to be.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mongolia

Image
It's been a week plus since I returned from Mongolia. I've never expected to go there, even for a mission trip..well God's ways are higher and better I believe! One of the first things I had to adjust to was the colder weather. It was dry- my lips were cracking and my hands and feet were getting scaly.. I had to put on lots of mosturizing cream. Before long I was marveling at the buildings and roads that I did not expect to see in Mongolia. They were Russian style, built when they controlled the country many years ago. I was surprised to hear that all their universities were near one another, lined up along what was the University Street. Coolz.. The people were strange and interesting to me. They spoke in such a queer language that it sounded like Japanese, Malay and Cantonese simultaneously! Hard as we tried, we never really suceeded in speaking it. Yet it did not stop us from sharing the gospel to 90 Mongolian students, out of which 38 received Christ! The hea...
Read more

'Hesed' way of life

After Women's Conference, I ran a fever and a Gen 12II meeting at the same time. Thank God the fever is gone now and the meeting was fruitful! I learnt many precious lessons from the lives of close to 200 women at the conference. We heard from many inspiring women-Judy Douglas, Andrea Buczynski, and Dr Kim who expounded on the book of Ruth-another woman whom I had learnt much from. In the bible, Ruth was a Moabite whom clung on to her mother-in-law Naomi. She believed in and served Yah Weh. She lived a life of 'Hesed'- Loving Kindness- and one aspect of it is living life beyond and above what is expected. It inspires me to know that I can live life "surpassingly." One area that comes to mind in living "surpassingly" is that of missions. I'm going to Laos this March, along with 6 other young and fun-loving Poly students and 3 other adults. As time nears, and support raising gets tougher, my heart gets more excited but also more fearful. Will ...
Read more

in remembrance of my dear bro-Christopher

When I first saw Christopher 2 years ago, he was staring at a computer in GCTC. That was before I joined Campus Cruasde as a STINTer. He was one of those who egged me on to join staff. And he was really very happy when I finally did. He told me that when he first saw me, he got the feeling I would join staff. "Nothing happens for no reason." He said, and I laughed. I was glad that we were batch mates on STINT. In time, I got to know that he was attached to Winnie, a fellow staff. He shared with me while on the bus one day how he got to know her and became boy-girl friends. Though I never felt Christopher was a romantic guy,he was definitely very serious about romance. "I chose to love Winnie, love is a choice." Christopher has always been someone I could talk to on a heart level. His sincere and pure heart meant I could share freely with him. He was almost always cheerful in every circumstance. It must be joy from the Lord. Last year, Christopher was diag...
Read more