Beloved

Two days ago, I finally met someone whom sort of understood what I really felt about myself. It was such a relief to read words that describe the confusion and dilemmas that I've tried for years to even know.

Interestingly, he suffered depression. He is a Christian Catholic. He writes short books. Yay. And in his little book "Life of the Beloved", I saw myself. Ha and by the way, he wrote this book for his non Christian friend. Henri Nouwen.

"Over the years, I have come to realise that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity or power, but self rejection. ... When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions."

I have hurdled from giving myself to others, caving and clocking quiet time, even joining staff to find myself happy but for a while, satisfied but again yearning for something more, spent and exhausted but still misunderstood.

"Yes, there is that voice, the voice that speaks from above and from within and that whispers softly or declares loudly: "You are my Beloved, on you my favour rests." It is certainly not easy to hear that voice in a world filled with voices that shout: "You are no good, you are ugly; you are worthless; you are despicable, you are nobody-unless you can demonstrate the opposite."

I'm nearing the end of the book, fascinated and relived, not just to learn about some holes in my life but to see myself in light of truth, face the broken-ness that makes me feel alone.

Praying that I'd live a better day for my Beloved than yesterday.