New year, not-so new thoughts

I felt like I've just survived 10 days of the new year.  Not in an unhappy way, but with a really grateful heart.

We began the first day of 2010 at the crematorium, where Qingwen's uncle was laid to rest.  I did not know him much except that I served him tea at the wedding.  While not very emotional, I was reminded of life's brevity and the need to focus.  After all, we can't be sure how much time we've left in this life.

Some days later, I was talking with a good friend on the taxi.  She's pregnant, and we were all excited over her and coming newborn. Of course, she was encouraging me to start a family soon too.  Being a pessimist all my life, I said it is tough to hope.  What if God didn't intend it the way we hope?  Say for childless couples or  couples who've experienced the birth and subsequently death of their children? It might be better not to hope or think about it lest I be disappointed.

"Then I think we really need to look not at the gift,but the giver-trusting in God's goodness and His best for us, even if it isn't what we hoped for." Spontaneous wisdom.  I could always count on my dear friend for that.

I felt God tugging at the threads of my perspective about Him.  Will I be willing to trust in His goodness and trust that what's going on now is His best for me?  Not only about starting a family, but everything, everyday.  Ministry, family, friends, problems, disappointments..

In this new year, I want to renew my trust in God-that He loves me.  He is good.  He gives His best for me. 

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